Sometimes, Cupcake, it isn’t always about YOU

notaboutyou

Let me know if you have had one of these days. You feel like the world is out to get you. Nothing goes right. Your clothes don’t fit. You feel fat. You feel stupid.Nobody cares about you. If you were really a good person, everything would go right for you. And then my all-time favorite question: ever have the day where you ask, “Why me?”

 

Usually, this is the time where someone says, “God is working on you.” Maybe they are correct. Maybe you need to learn patience, or humility, or kindness. This is the case most of the time. It’s an easy enough concept, right? Sometimes when things go wrong, God (or Source, or the universe) is working on you. But not always.

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Sometimes, my dearest Cupcake, your dark day is simply not about you.

Sometimes your trials may be about someone else.

Maybe God is not working on you; maybe He is working on someone else through you. What can you say or do that will help someone get through her own personal trial? What if God is working on someone that is supposed to help you? Do you want to cross paths with her now, when she may not be ready (able or willing) to assist you in a particular part of your life? Or would you rather be patient, stay on your little cupcake path, and count the blessings that you have in your life right now?

 

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My question to you is simple: does it really matter “why” this is happening to you? Maybe you have something to learn (how to handle finances, or in my case, how to work a web-site correctly). Maybe you are in a holding pattern because someone is stuck in her life, and it may take her a while to get to you. Maybe you are meant to help someone who you do not even realize needs your help.

 

My suggestion to you is very simple. RELAX. Trust that you are exactly where you are supposed to be for whatever reason. There are no coincidences. If you just have to throw yourself into a questioning mode, can you ask questions that your brain will actually help you answer (and consequently shift your mood)?

 

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1. Who can I help today?

2. How can I help someone today?

3. What can I do to give someone a positive experience?

4. How can I honor my personal gifts and share my passion in order to help myself and those around me?

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If you do not know what your personal gifts are, get some cute notecards and go here.

 

 

 

 

Otherwise, get to it, cupcake! Add frosting, add a ton of sprinkles, and have a grand time with your cupcake life!  Do you have any questions or thoughts that help you shift out of your “why me” mode of thinking? As always, let me know how it’s going, and stay frosted!IMG_0112

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44 thoughts on “Sometimes, Cupcake, it isn’t always about YOU

  1. Another fantastic post full of cupcake wisdom Liz <3

    I have a great example from a friend of mine today. She had to pull out of a junction in her car but there was a vehicle obstructing her view of the road she was joining. She inched her way out, carefully so as not to cause an accident. The road looked clear enough and so she pulled out and joined the traffic. But that was just too much for the angry man in the big black car to cope with 🙁 even though he had a female passenger he proceeded to give my friend finger gestures, honk his horn and generally harass her.

    Funny actually, the same thing happened to my hubby on his way home last night, so its not just something men do to women lol.

    The point is, at least from my perspective, that you never know what kind of a day the person you want to give the finger to is having. You don't know if they've just been told they have cancer, or if a parent just died or their kid got sick or their dog ran away… etc etc etc. We just have no idea what others are going through at any given moment in time so we should just try to remember that everyone is simply doing their best and that much of what they do is automatic rather than deliberate. If you think of it in this way you'll be less rocked by the bad days because you'll see them more as part of the ebb and flow of life. If we only ever have great days we never really appreciate them because theres no benchmark is there.

    LOL I think I went off a bit on one there 🙂

    Oh, just to tidy this up, my friend blew the angry driver a kiss and my hubby ignored the his angry driver and arrived home with a smile on his face and kiss for his wife.

    1. Jane, I’m glad that there were no injuries in all the craziness. I’m also glad that your loved ones were able to spread love instead of rocks! Breathe, and have more of a cupcake kind of day! 🙂

  2. Hey Liz lovely post, as usual 😉 These “why me days” can be a real problem. Even though I do know that when it goes up it has to go down again and that there is nothing positive without a negative counterpart and the otherway round (yeah I am all about Yin/Yang and Karma), I still tend to sulk a bit (or a whole week). But then I just think about all the things I can be thankful for. I have a family, a bed and food…so there is no need for me to feel bad for myself…
    But I love the idea you are proposing, from now on everytime I sulk, I will try to do something good for somebody else instead. I let you know how it went when I try it out, I think today a homeless guy will get some free coffee =D

    1. Sabine, this is why you and I are friends, lol. I’ve done the free coffee for a stranger act–actually, it was hot chocolate, but that counts–and the person behind me bought both of them! So, it’s contagious! Let me know how it goes, and keep the love alive!

      1. Great minds think alike 😉 ok that sounded a bit arogant, but it was the only english quote I could think of xD I did it after university and a huge smile was the present…always amazes me how happy you can make others with just a simple gesture =) got me out of my sulking, your technique works 😀

    1. Christi,Thank you for stopping by. I am so glad that you love my cupcakeness. :-)Any time we can change our brain patterns, we can help ourselves become more positive towards ourselves and in turn, others. This makes everyone have a cupcake kind of life. 🙂 YAY!

    1. Trenna, absolutely give yourself permission to take a day or two off! Just as you do others, treat yourself with kindness, and have a cupcake break! When you rejuvenate yourself, good things happen. 🙂

  3. There are so many forces at play all the time, that the biggest lesson we can learn from The Four Agreements is “Don’t Take Anything Personally”. It is rarely about “you”. We humans love to make everything about “me”, it adds to the stories and drama we love to create. I like how you switch the thinking around to others, which is a great way to get out of your “why me” stuckness. At times, it is okay to live in the question. Not everyday is meant to be a perfect day. The only way we learn is through contrast. Experiences that have polarities. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Thanks for the reminder to get out of our own way and to focus on being of service to others who we can contribute to. And yes, there is our timing and then their is divine timing. Trust the “soup” as Steven Pressfield says. I like to say the cosmic puzzle pieces are moving into place. Often without us even knowing it. Keep trusting.

  4. If you read my Writer Lisa post from today you’ll see this was perfect timing for me! I had this kind of day yesterday and this was spot-on advice for me to remember right now. Thanks! 🙂

  5. Great post and definitely great timing. When we take the focus off of our own bad day and look around, you’re right – the experience may be for someone else to gain more insight, make a change or see things differently. As a caregiver of a spouse going through chemotherapy, I keep reminding myself if I feel badly, to just turn my attention towards him. Somehow the mission changes and that’s good for him, me and the entire family.

  6. Great perspective shift, Liz!

    It’s so easy for us to get wrapped up in our own worlds and think everything is about us. Thanks for the tips to get outside of that thinking!

  7. It’s always good to encourage people to stop whining and feeling sorry for themselves. The center of the universe attitude that people often adopt isn’t useful to either themselves or others. Most things are not about me.

  8. I LOVE the way you framed the 4 positive questions around cupcakes. I think hubby should try these as soon as he finishes dealing with a very high maintenance client 🙂

  9. I love this post.. but dear gawd girl.. this isn’t for me. lmao.. Yes, shit DOES keep happening to me and if “someone” is trying to teach me patience or something ridiculous like that, they might as well give up, it just ain’t gonna happen. And if someone is trying to teach someone else through me… btw, it hasn’t been working, they aren’t changing, stop punishing me! lmao

    1. Kristen, you crack me up. Maybe last week, God was working through you to remind me that I really am smart, just not when it comes to building my own website! See, it IS working! HA! Come on, cupcake, you’re amazing, and when we meet up in Centerville, there will be only “Why am I so wonderful?” kinds of questions, lol. Have a great week! 🙂

  10. My mantra for everything that could potentially become a “why me?” situation…did anyone die? If not, I need to put on my big girl panties and get through whatever the problem du jour may be.

    1. Beth, I love how you put your problems in the most proper of perspectives, lol. Yes, if everyone is still ok, then every thing is still ok. Way to put on the big girl cupcake panties! Thank you for sharing, and have a great week! 🙂

  11. Thanks for this wonderful post! What a great reminder to look for the lessons in our struggles, even when we feel like whining. Shifting the focus toward making a difference in the lives of others totally changes the outcome of the day! Those are great questions to keep everything in perspective.

    1. Susan, Thank you for stopping by and commenting. I’m glad you liked it! If you know of someone else who might benefit from this, feel free to share! Have a cupcake kind of week! 🙂

    1. Janell, thank you for stopping by and for your comment. I hope this helped, and I hope you have a great day! 🙂

    1. Sherri, thank you for taking the time to read this and comment! I hope it helped, and I hope you have a cupcake kind of day! 🙂

  12. Wow — Sure needed YOU today. I’ve been contemplating if God gave someone to work
    through me in recent months. Well, make that a few people in the last year. 🙂

    You are the sweetest of cupcakes. Keep on cook’en!

    PS. Please tell me the font style/size that you are using for this blog? I love it.

    1. Sharon, I cheat on my blogs. I write them in word, size 12 Calibri(body). It’s darker, plainer, and bigger, which Kim suggested so it would be easier to read. If you’re asking, I have succeeded. Yay! I’m glad that my post helped you a little, and I hope you have a great week! 🙂

    1. Vickie, thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment. I hope some of these questions help! Have a great day! 🙂

  13. I threw ‘why me’ away a long time ago- that’s what happens when you reach age 76. You just get a bit wiser and realize why sweat so many things. It will pass, it’s just not that important. All these ideas are so true for me. I’ve been trying to convince my hubby that other drivers who get upset may be having problems- dont react. Sometimes he gets it.

    1. Roslyn, my husband still gets mad at bad drivers, no matter what I say. I’m just fortunate that he doesn’t hold a grudge so we can still enjoy our trip or our date! I wonder why it is so hard for some to let go?

    1. Varina, thank you for stopping by. I’m glad you found this blog a “good way to turn around a bad day,” and I hope you spread the word to anyone who you think might benefit from it. 🙂 Have a great day!

  14. What a motivational article! It is profound, compelling and transforming. It has the most profound impact on one’s life pertaining to “Why Me.” The “Why Me” questioning is attached to the search for the purpose of life which has puzzled anyone. This is the wrong starting point which anyone typically begins.

    1. Thanks, Lorii. I’m glad that you realize the “why me” questioning is going down the wrong rabbit hole! The answers we receive rarely make us happier. Thank you for your insight! 🙂

  15. We all have those “why me?” days but I try to stay away from the negative mind set as it stalls my progress and wastes time in my day that I will never get back. Definitely easier said than done at times.

    1. Michael, most people in our circle have figured out how to navigate the “why me” syndrome, so this is meant to help those who may find this hard. Feel free to share how you just “stay away” from the negative mind set, since this might help others, as well. Karmic boomerang! 🙂 Thank you for your comment, and have a cupcake week!

  16. I can’t help myself. I’m a “why” person — I blame my education, training and experience as a journalist. I think it we can figure out the “why,” we’re further ahead. However, we can get obsessive about it. In terms of “why me,” this is how I figure it — go ahead and throw yourself a pity party. Boo-hoo your heart out. Scream, cuss and throw stuff, if it makes you feel better. Just don’t get stuck there. Get it out of your system and if you can figure out the “why,” good on you. If not, move on. Life is waiting.

    1. Jackie, I am such a “why” kind of person, too! I can’t count the number of rabbit holes I have traveled into just because I wanted to know alllll the answers, lol. I also agree that sometimes the best action is to just let it all out (this is a blog I’m already working on, so it’s good to know there are others out there who do this, too). Thank you for putting this out there, as it might help someone else reading this! Have a cupcake kind of week!

  17. A lesson I learned long ago, which is your lesson in different words is:”You are not the target.”
    Many of us initially think when something negative happens is that we have been personally targeted. The why did this happen to me syndrome. The majority of the time we are not the target. An event may have happened by chance. Once we realize we are not personally being targeted, we can move in in a positive way. Rather than feeling someone or some group is out to get us, we can work through obstacles in our life in a productive way rather than spend any energy on figuring out why someone else is after us.

    1. Eyauuk, I find that most of us in our network have the same mindset, but not everyone has figured this out for themselves. Thank you for the reminder that we are not always the target of someone else’s actions. Have a cupcake kind of day! 🙂

  18. Agree, often when we have those days when everything seems against you, it is always better to just relax and go do something else, something fun.

    1. Katarina, the key is to do something fun, right! Like, say, have a glass or two of a new wine with some friends! Like me! 🙂 That’s a great tip, by the way, so I hope others read your post. Thank you for sharing, and have a cupcake day! 🙂

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