Just Accept it, Cupcake

http://ownyourcupcake.com

Early last summer, I visited a college mentor who offered to help me with my website and computer illiteracy. She had helped me start on this whole blog road, despite my terror of joining forces with computers and the looming danger of SkyNet. As a token of my appreciation, I brought her a small crystal bracelet from one of my favorite stores. Later that evening, she thanked me and wrote, “It’s just what I needed, but you are too generous!”

This seems like a normal, everyday “thank you” moment. On the surface,  this is a grateful and humble statement. In reality, this moment actually lowers both of our cellular vibrations and repels other good things from coming our ways. Why? In a nutshell, we are deflecting the good vibes that have been intended for us. We are not really accepting our gifts from others. We do not practice the art of receiving.

If you’re a sporty kind of person, try this: Think of someone’s gift as a football (or hockey puck, or basketball). For you to receive the gift, your giver needs to “score.” The ball gets kicked, and your deflection comment makes the football hit the uprights and miss the field goal. The soccer ball (futbol) or hockey puck hits the goal posts and flies back into the arena. The basketball hits the rim and bounces away from the basket. No score. “Almost” doesn’t count. And now someone else has the good karma that was meant for you.

Other people—many “spiritual healers” and intuitive minds—are noticing this “deflecting phenomenon,” as well, even in themselves. And they are realizing that they have to be conscious in order to stop their own habits. In one phone call/interview, Eram Saeed and Jarrad Hewett both have to pause in their conversation with each other to take the time to just accept each other’s compliments. They say things like, “OK, I am just going to say ‘thank you’ and accept your compliment” or “Wow, this is really hard to just accept your gift and not deflect it.” They laugh with each other, but they both admit that sometimes receiving is hard. Why?

In an older YouTube video, Rikka Zimmerman scratches her nose and observes, “We have been taught that we have to work hard. We have to earn what we get. When people want to pay us for our services, most people are OK. So, where do we draw the line? Would you say, accept a car? Or a house? At what point do we put a value on ourselves and stop others from giving us gifts beyond our own perceptions?”

http://ownyourcupcake.com

            THE PROCESS OF REPELLING

What happens to us? Why do we put lower price tags on our services and ourselves? Some of us price ourselves under local competitors so we can get our business going better. Some of us have been conditioned to believe we are not as smart, or as worthy, as others in our professions or fields. It doesn’t help that corporate America still pays women seventy-two cents for every dollar they pay men in the same position. Now, let’s add one more part of our conditioning: When someone compliments us, society (or maybe a parent) has taught us the polite thing to do is act humble so others see us as truly grateful and not arrogant.  How do we do this? By not really accepting the compliment. And all of this, for whatever good reasons we may have, serves to make us less than what we truly are.

Is there a way to accept a gift and stay humble? Sure there is. But let’s make sure you are aware of some common phrases people use to deflect and repel abundance.

 

PHRASES THAT REPEL GIFTS AND ABUNDANCE

“No thanks necessary. It’s my job.”

Or maybe we say something like, “Oh, you did all the work. I just showed you how to do it.” (I am so guilty of this one!)

“It was nothing.”

“Don’t thank me. Such-and-so really helped you more than I did.”

“OH, you shouldn’t have!”

“This is too much.”

“I can’t accept this.”

Get the idea? Any of these sound familiar? So, what have we done to ourselves? We have diminished our own self-worth, and we have allowed ourselves to think that we are less than what we are. And this keeps us from being our amazing selves.

This is only part of the equation. When we deflect a gift, we also lower the vibration of the person who gave us the gift, however small it may be. When we do not accept a gift, we subconsciously tell our giver, “You picked the wrong gift for me. I’m really a loser, and you are a loser because you didn’t already know that.”

Can you think of how many times you have done this in one day? How about one week? How many times do you think you have lowered your vibrations as well as those around you in the last year? Do I really need to keep going, or are you ready to change this toxic pattern?

http://ownyourcupcake.com

STOP DEFLECTING!

HOW TO PRACTICE THE ART OF RECEIVING

You will love this part. It just takes practice, practice, and perhaps a little more practice.  OK, maybe a lot of practice. This will be fun! 🙂

  1. Remember your manners. Say “Thank you.” Mean it (be authentic). And stop your mouth from saying anything else.

 

  1. Accept the gift. Trust that this is God’s way of telling you how wonderful and great you are. (If not God, then Source or Universe.)

 

  1. Know you are free to receive. You are not expected to return a gift. You are not obligated to buy your benefactor a bigger or nicer gift. Your acceptance of any gift is actually your reciprocal gift, because this person has taken time and put in effort to give you a compliment, a card, or anything else that she has chosen to give you as a way of showing gratitude. Your acceptance reaffirms to her that she is a wonderful person for seeing the greatness in you. All you have to do is—yep, you know this—RECEIVE. Just to be clear, let me repeat: When we receive a gift with love and gratitude, we tell our gift-giver she is amazing. Click To Tweet

 

  1. Give yourself permission to be loved. Gifts, whether small trinkets or beyond our craziest dreams, are people’s ways of showing you their gratitude. They are showing you that you matter, and they are grateful to share a part of your life with you. Receive this karmic boomerang with joy and grace! When we receive love, we have more love to give, and then the cycle grows even stronger. How awesome is that?

 

ONE MORE THING: Accept gifts without comparing or judging. You are not an orange. You are not an apple. If you need reminders for this, go here. Whatever someone gives you, know that they are showing you love.  It does not matter if they give you a coupon or a car. Love is love.  Comparing can drive you crazy, and it lowers everyone’s vibrations. Appreciate the moment for what it is: a moment where someone acknowledges you for being you. And that is awesome. Accept it for what it is, Cupcake!

http://ownyourcupcake.com

So, my darling Cupcake, just remember that you are amazing, and you are a gift to everyone around you. If you haven’t a clue as to some things that make you wonderful, go here to get some ideas. Otherwise, know that I am grateful that you have read my post, and I hope you accept this as my gift to you today. 🙂

By the way, if anyone ever wants to buy me a house, or a car, or a t-shirt, I will say “YES” with a huge smile. I’m all over practicing that receiving thing.

How do you honor others when they give you gifts? As always, feel free to share, as you are sending out a karmic boomerang! Have a great day, and keep it frosted!

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30 thoughts on “Just Accept it, Cupcake

  1. So, thank you. I am sitting here with tears running down my face saying “She wrote this for me!” While it may not be true, I am going to believe it, show gratitude, accept it and run with it. You are amazing and what you write matters.”

    1. Trenna,
      Thank you, Cupcake! I did not mean to make you cry, but I am glad I wrote something that mattered to you, since that’s kind of the point. Consider yourself hugged!

  2. Receiving is challenging indeed for us humans. Maybe just saying “thank you” should be enough, however, so much else underlies why it isn’t. Some people give gifts because it makes them feel better and they want that acknowledgement from another. Some people have low self esteem and become surprised when people praise them. I practice complimenting people for going the distance or extra mile. I find they really appreciate it, especially in the service industry, where more often than not, they only get complaints. It is one more thing for us humans to be aware of and to practice. Smile and say thank you. Sounds simple, yet seems hard to do. Thanks for the thoughtful post, Liz.

    1. Beverley, it amazes me sometimes how people are surprised when I express gratitude for their help or their gifts. It also makes me sad, as it shows me just how much humanity is changing. If this blog post helps one person feel better and learn how to simply receive a compliment and a gift, then I am happy! Thank you for the comment, Beverley, and have a Cupcake kind of week! 🙂

  3. Sigh. This is huge, especially for women. In my women’s group on Facebook (and now I’m thinking I should blog about it, too), I tell women to accept the compliment and then shut up. So many of us feel we have to qualify a compliment. “Oh this old thing? I got it years ago” or “It’s a Kmart special!” Your remark that you are essentially belittling the giver is right on and one that had not occurred to me before. Thanks for bringing it up. I will mention this in my work with women (I hate to be manipulative, but there you are) because women almost always want to make the other person feel good — even if it’s at their own expense. Accept the praise, damn it, and stop adding “but” at the end. P.S. Love the SkyNet reference. Woman after my own heart! 😉

    1. Jackie, thank you for getting the SkyNet reference! Ha! And thank you for letting me know that I helped you see something differently. That means so much to me to know that! Feel free to mention this as many times as you like, and have a Cupcake kind of day! 🙂

  4. I think this deflecting and rebelling when someone tries to give us something (including a compliment) robs the giver of the opportunity to give and therefore, receive. We do them (and us) a disservice. Thanks for pointing it out.

    1. Carol, too bad you can’t make an oil for this! You and I could be millionaires! 🙂 A little frankincense, a little jasmine, a lot of love, and something else to calm the nerves and we are on our way. Thanks for reading, Cupcake! 🙂

  5. Awesome, thank you Liz! love it… so true too… especially women, we are trained (not intentionally) to be humble and to work hard and we don’t accept praise well for stuff we are doing anyhow.

    I like so send cards with little gift cards, sweet treats and just notes with love for my friends… or ride my motorcycle to go visit them! lol

    1. Kristen,
      I’m glad you liked the post. When you come up here, I’ll furnish the margaritas, you can furnish the brownies, and I promise to say nothing but “thank you” for the chocolate fix. See you soon, Cupcake! 🙂

    1. Roz, it happens with women more than men, and sometimes it is hard to not tell the other person “just take my compliment!” Practice helps, no doubt, especially since some people do not even realize they are deflecting. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and have a Cupcake kind of weekend! 🙂

  6. I think most women can hear themselves in this article. Very well said. I don’t think I ever had a hard time with accepting a gift, but I do know of others who do. For me It was accepting a compliment.

    1. Lisa, a compliment is a gift. Any time we are given something–a compliment, expensive jewelry–we are receiving a gift from someone. I hope you know how wonderful you are, and you accept compliments as easily as something with a pretty bow!

    1. Deb, merci sounds great without a southern drawl, lol, but it’s a great start! I wonder if saying our thanks in a foreign language would help stop everything else? Ooooh, something to try! Thanks for the idea, Cupcake! 🙂

  7. I’m usually the one who gives the gifts – I see things and think about people who would like them and buy them to gift for birthday, Christmas, Diwali or just because I want to give them a gift, Liz.

    But when I receive a gift, I become like a little child and the gift giver knows that I am delighted because I show my delight. That is the best return gift one can give, appreciation and gratitude. No wonder I get little unexpected gifts like my friends going for a business trip to a city I might have lived in and bringing back some toffees or delicacies that I might have mentioned and forgotten about because they know what will happen next. 🙂

    I love giving AND receiving from the heart.

    1. Vatsala, You are my Cupcake hero! 🙂 The simpler and more authentic our actions and reactions, the more we are given and have to give in return. I need to hang around you, since it seems like you have the laws of reciprocation and accepting in spades! Thank you for sharing, Cupcake! 🙂

  8. Thank you for writing a brilliant post about something so important, both for men and women, but particularly for women. Being aware of when we deflect is so important, learning to just say Thank You, honour the giver as well as the receiver.

    1. Heather, thank you for such a wonderful compliment! Just help other women learn how important this is, and have a cupcake kind of day! 🙂

  9. I was having a similar conversation with my book collaborator last night and we were discussing where our lack of self confidence shows up. For example if someone says to me “You are a great writer” and I agree and then add “but…..blah, blah, blah” it diminishes the first part of the statement. Conversely if I say I know I am a great writer, but…blah…, it also diminishes the first part of my statement. In essence we need to stop ourselves and just let the compliment live in the space and say thank you or I appreciate hearing that. Whatever affirmative reply we want to give, is much better than a qualifying one. Thanks Liz. Glad you shared this post again. 🙂

    1. Beverley, “liv(ing) in the space” is very hard sometimes, as we have been taught to reply in other ways. I, too, find myself finding it easier to just say thank you and smile, as I either appear arrogant or unworthy of praise, and both I have found can be exhausting! Thanks for reading me again, Cupcake!:-)

    1. Sonya, just the fact that you are aware of this is a great stride in the right direction, Cupcake! I have two that I still have to work on stopping, so don’t feel alone. Have a great night!

  10. Learning how to receive is not an easy thing to do if you think of yourself as “unworthy”. Accepting is what we need to do. Giving is important, but so is receiving. Both are very important in a world of take, take take 🙂

    Thanks Liz for sharing 🙂

    1. Joan,
      I’m glad that you realize some of these phrases promote our feelings of unworthiness, which is hard for people to notice. I think receiving is just as important as giving, too. Thanks for your comment!

    1. Joe, I think we’ve been conditioned that way. I hope that we can learn to say “thank you” and mean it more than words!

  11. Great post and I enjoyed reading! I came back to Japan to visit my family and friends, so I have been receiving many things/gifts. I feel bad to just receive, but now after reading your post, I feel better to know that it’s okay to just receive gifts (I need to think I deserve it!). I thank them though 🙂 Thank you for sharing!

    1. Kaz, if they are giving you gifts, they are showing appreciation, regardless of how you see yourself. By the way, you are wonderful, so you deserve the gratitude and acknowledgement, Cupcake! 🙂

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