Hey, Cupcake, You’re A Too (Why this is great, and how to accept yourself)

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Every day, we are told in some way, “Cupcake, you’re Number Too.” Today I will explain why this is great, and how to accept yourself so you can realize this and share your greatness with the world.

I have been relegated to the land of “You’re too” in almost all aspects: my career, my love life, all relationships, and even school. In my lifetime I have been called:

 

MY WORLD OF TOO

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Have you ever been told you’re one of these “too’s”?

Too young. TOO OLD. too fat. Too thin (I think I want that one back). Too aggressive. Too passive. Too tall. TOO SHORT. Too serious. Too immature. too smart. TOO OBTUSE. Too experienced, too inexperienced. Too loud. Too controlling. TOO INDECISIVE. Too intense. too air-headed. too restrained. Too conceited. Too shy. Too obsessive. Too forgetful. TOO SENSITIVE. Too callous. TOO FRIENDLY. Too anal. Too unorganized. Too intimidating. TOO CARING.

 

I am sure I have been called more. Once upon a time, the world of “too” really hurt my feelings. I desperately tried to fit the mold that these people swore I needed to fill. I wanted to belong so bad that I tried everything from changing my wardrobe to changing my hair color. I had several failed relationships, because eventually they would dump me because I had been miserably unsuccessful at being whatever it was they wanted me to be. Certain jobs were impossible to get, because I was not what the person hiring was looking for, and that vison changed from interview to interview; sometimes the vision even changed between people in the same interview process.

 

THE  SIMPLE TRUTH

 

The truth is simple: I was never going to belong, no matter what I did. These people were in their own personal type of tribe, and whether they realized it or not, they gave me a clear message that took several years for me to hear: you are not like me, and I do not like you because of that.

This is a very simple message, but people do not say this phrase because it is socially rude and unacceptable. They might not say this phrase because they do not realize this is how they truly feel; they may be thinking this unconsciously. So, what can you do about this?

In a nutshell, nothing. You are who you are, and you can only “play” to be someone else for so long before strange things… Click To TweetMaybe you gain weight, or lose it. Maybe you lose sleep, or sleep all day. Maybe you start to get headaches, or you feel cranky for no reason at all. The point is, the more you act like someone else’s idea of who you should be, the more doomed you will be to a life of sadness and hidden resentment. The longer you fight yourself, the longer you fight what is truly good for you.

 

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Decision Time

 

 

So, my dearest cupcake, decide what kind of person you are and who you want to be.

And be happy. Be yourself, and be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. You will attract the right people, the right jobs, and the best clients for you. In turn, you will do a better job for them, because you are the best person for them.  Once you decide that your “truest” kind of world is better than four “wrong” jobs or six horrendous dates, better things will appear in your world.

As Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.” Celebrate this! Do not hide your… Click To Tweet  You are precious, right now, at this very moment. If you live by faith in God, remember that you are the child of a KING. If you have faith in the universe, remember that you are made from energy, and think of all the things that have come together to make you a living, breathing, person instead of a bed bug or a blade of grass. That in itself is amazing, and so are you.

What makes you different? What makes you the frosting or the sprinkles that make someone else’s day better? If you’ve forgotten, you can go to this blog and do a little writing of your own. Share with us, so people can send you some serious good vibes and support you.

 

As always, let me know how it’s going, and stay frosted!http://ownyourcupcake.com

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37 thoughts on “Hey, Cupcake, You’re A Too (Why this is great, and how to accept yourself)

  1. I think this concept of not being enough comes from getting our identity from the world. If we try to measure up to the world’s standards, we will always fail, even if we do it right. Paradoxical, yes! For me, my identity is who I am in Christ Jesus. That’s rock solid. Many people don’t get it and don’t want to get it, and that’s okay with me because I’m secure in who I am.

    1. Carol, it’s good that you have your faith to give you strength. Some people don’t have that, but this can give them hope. You are absolutely right that the world will never judge us as perfect, because everyone’s standards always change. Thank you for your insight, and have a cupcake kind of week!

  2. This is so incredibly important. Throughout our lives, everyone is always trying to “fit it” Thankfully, I grew up in a family that celebrated being your own unique self. I’m not saying I never struggled with any of this, I mean I am human… but I consider myself very lucky to have learned this at a young age. Stand out, stand up and be noticed!

    1. Lisa, I’m taking your last statement and putting it on a poster! Stand up, stand up and be noticed, Cupcake! Ha! Thanks for sharing, and have a great week!

  3. OMG…I spent half of my adult life with a man who told me I was always “too this or that”. Sadly, as much as I fought his perceptions, I still believed him to the point that I had no idea who I really was by the time the marriage was over. Fortunately, I had a great support system who assured me once again that I could be whoever I want to be and 15 years later I would say I’m good, really good 🙂

    1. Beth, I am so glad that you are good now, and in a much better place emotionally! Thank you for sharing this, as it helps others know they are not alone, and they can do this, as well! Have a great week! Kristen and I are meeting up next week. You are invited! 🙂

  4. Your blog post is right on, the times in my life where I’ve tried to please others and be someone I’m not, it affects me physically and drains me emotionally. We are awesomely made by God and we should stand for all He made us to be.

    1. Vanessa, I am so glad that you can use your faith for strength! Some people have a hard time with that, so thank you for sharing your personal side effects (physically and emotionally) so that others may find comfort in their own struggles. Have a great week!

  5. This is a very important message that you shared. It’s so important that we learn to appreciate ourselves for who we are without trying to be something that we’re not. At the risk of sounding cheesy, if we can’t as the song says, learn to love ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to love us?

    1. Thank you, Clive! The sound is right-on, lol. Thank you for stopping by and commenting, and have a cupcake kind of week! 🙂

  6. Well, you are just TOO amazing!!!! This is a wonderful post and what you say is so true in believing in yourself.

    A couple of months ago, I finished a very large contract for a client that I didn’t connect with. Money was great, the project itself was great as I had full creative control over the courses I was designing, but the owner of the company, I just couldn’t “mentally” get on board and I felt like I sold myself out just for the money. Shortly into the project, I stood ground and said “I’m not putting my name on this because the product is terrible”. It’s my reputation on line”. I thought for sure they would cancel, but instead they came up with 5 versions of a new line for 2 products and asked me to test them out and use whichever was best. I was blown away!

    If I had just made my case earlier on, I would have saved myself from unnecessary stress.

    So now, if I have a client that wants me to do something that’s not real (a contact that wants me to handle a social media ad in the wrong fashion or wants to only push sales), I do a 15 minute meditation before composing my email or the phone call. Helps me stay balanced and in the end, what’s the worse that can happen. I politely say thank you, but I’m not the best choice for what they want and I move on.

    1. Gisele, isn’t it funny how we figure out how to be “real” in the world that we create for ourselves? I’m so glad you realized this and found happiness in your work through this! Yay! Sprinkles all around!

  7. I totally agree with you…just relised about a year ago, that I was horribly tired to fit in…
    Adepting always seemed easier, but even then I was too this or too that and always felt out of place, because no matter how hard you try, there are times the mask comes off…
    But being myself sometimes tires me out too, like I am constantly fighting against what others expect me to be :/
    So I am working on it, one step at a time, and your blog is really helping me with my journey 🙂 It is so nice to have it as a support, it remembers me on how I am not really alone, so thank you a lot!
    Hugs from Germany 🙂

    1. Sabine, you are never alone! Remember how strong you were when you wrote your blog and did the video of your friend’s “critique” of your weight? That’s the Sabine I know and love! You are amazing, and perfect just the way you are, Cupcake! Even when you are a scary ninja! Hugs from Texas, USA, baby!

  8. Each of us has our own unique path to arrive at a clear understanding of “who we are”. Who we truly are, not what the world “out there” has fed us to believe. My sense is children are learning this at a younger age, as so much has changed in our understanding and awareness around accepting ourselves as we are, for who we are. Your message in here, Liz, reminds me of Brene Brown’s life work, and how so many of us grow up in the “not enough” mentality, which is the flip side of your “too” theme. It can take time to discover what is important to us and for me, that is part of life’s journey and I believe what brings both the greatest challenges and yet the greatest rewards. Life is about polarities. Nothing can be “too” one way or the other. It is about finding ourselves in the balance in-between those polarities. Thanks for encouraging us all to see that we “too”, are enough. 🙂

    1. Beverley, I think the “too” theme is exactly the flip side of “not enough,” but I believe both are wrong, as we are neither. I love your statement that the process of discovering ourselves “is part of life’s journey that brings both the greatest challenges and yet the greatest rewards.” Strength and balance, baby! Glad you liked it. Have a cupcake weekend, my friend! 🙂

  9. “Decide what kind of person you are and who you want to be.” I like that! Indeed, we so often measure ourselves against others and try to be someone we’re not, because we’re seeking recognition. And then years later, you realize you don’t know at all who you are…

    1. Erika, I know! Sometimes you find yourself looking at a complete stranger and ask, “Who is that,and why is she wearing my shirt?” My hope is that this doesn’t happen to anyone, but since it does, my second hope is that the girl in the real world figures it out so she can smile at the reflection of wonderfulness instead of confused unhappiness. Thanks for stopping by, and have a cupcake kind of week! 🙂

  10. I was one of the unlucky lucky ones who due to no fault of mine was raised in foster care & had to stand out. I had to distinguish myself to make a life for myself. I succeeded & was always comfortable just being me. Guess what happens as we move thru the stages of life? I remain me, with some toning down, some more self-compassion, some easier ways to let things roll away. I went from flaming purple to mauve at 76.

    1. Roslyn, Dr. Wayne Dyer was a foster child, and he thought it was great! I did, too, although my situation was strange. I want to see the picture of you with flaming purple, because hey, I think that color is returning this fall! Love that you could find the strength to be you and thrive. You are wonderful for doing this, and you are amazing for sharing this. Thank you, Cupcake! 🙂

  11. With your journey, you are faced with the life ‘s question to ponder: “Who you are?” You always understand the situational example. How all the pieces of your life fit together? What a meaningful question, needing a sincere answer coming from the heart. It is how you yourself do it, not the influences of the world. This will reduce your stress, simplify your decisions and increase your satisfaction. Thanks for motivating us to discover and realize that we are “too” enough. Great reflective post!

    1. Lorii, thank you for your insight. The more we can stay true to ourselves, the better our lives can be. I love the way you put this a “sincere answer coming from the heart.” Hopefully, others will find strength in this and start on their own paths, not someone else’s. Thank you for stopping by, and have a cupcake kind of weekend! 🙂

  12. This is great! Trying to be what everyone else wants or thinks you should be is tiring. You can’t be what EVERY single person wants or you’ll burn out. Plus, the only way YOU will be happy is being YOURSELF. A lot less effort and a lot more comfortable. As Dr. Suess says “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”.

    1. Love Dr. Suess! That’s also a great point about burning out if you try to be what everybody wants. It is just impossible. Thank you for your input and for reminding us that we probably learned this as children, through a beloved rhymester who didn’t like green eggs and ham. 🙂 Have a cupcake kind of week!

  13. I really love this post and can relate. When I was doing fitness competition, I was too thin for some people and they assumed I ate like a rabbit. In fact I was eating a lot.
    Got a divorce, fail into a depression and gain weight, they talk about me to me and refer to me as “Webly back in the day.”

    Today I simply do me and enjoy every day in the present on the way to where I want to be.

    Sometimes society’s expectation makes us miss being present and in the moment. You just have to put blinders on and start believing what our creator believes about us “Fearfully and wonderfully made.”

    1. Webly, I think you are great. I love your recipes! I know several women who participate in the fitness and bikini competitions. Those things are no joke, and the girls I worked out with are always on strict diets leading up to the competitions, so kudos to you for having that kind of ambition, drive, and discipline. I am glad that you found the strength to “do you” and live in the present. Congrats! Thank you for sharing this, and maybe your tip about putting on blinders will help others. Love the verse you quoted, as well. Have a cupcake kind of week! 🙂

  14. If there is one way to make yourself crazy, it’s trying to be what everyone else wants you to be. And as you pointed out, the messages are so conflicting that you’d soon up with multiple personality disorder. Being who you are is like telling the truth — you never have to keep your stories straight. Good job!

    1. Jackie, What do you think would happen if we all ended up like this? Would multiple personality disorder be the new normal? That actually sounds like a great book idea. Let’s submit it to Stephen King, lol. Have a great cupcake weekend, and thank you for stopping by! 🙂

    1. Katarina, thank you for your comment. You should know, since you have found a great niche for yourself accompanied by great wine! 🙂 Have a cupcake kind of week!

  15. So true Liz… I am most of those “toos” and then some, for sure.. and like you noted.. we try to live in the mold of others and don’t live our own life.. great words sista!

    1. Kristen, THANKS! I used to get angry when this happened; now I just shrug it off. There are so many people in the world, I think it is fine if one or two don’t approve of me. 🙂 And if you ever saw my cooking, you would know that I’m bad at molds, lolol. Have a cupcake kind of weekend, my friend!

  16. You are so right!!! I am definitely a TOO and I decided recently that I am me. I’m going to enjoy my life and if I’m ‘too’ for someone it is their problem not mine.

    1. Ginny, with that beautiful hair of yours and your sunny attitude, you should enjoy every moment and facet of your cupcake life! Thank you for stopping by, and have a cupcake–with “too” much frosting–kind of week! 🙂

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