My husband may not be safe. We have had a few spats here and there–what married couple hasn’t?–but this time, he may have gone too far. So, with all the violence that has gone unchecked due to the absence of accountability, I’m wondering: if I have a great excuse, Cupcake, is murder still illegal?
OK, before I get to the real reason for my rage, you need to know two things for background purposes. I’ll be brief. Sort of. Brief for me.
The first thing you need to know is that we have three dogs, and our
golden, Cheyenne, is his favorite. He has broken all his rules. She was supposed to stay outside; she was inside the first day. She was supposed to stay on the floor; she is a great cuddler on whatever couch you choose to sit. She was supposed to go to puppy school; after three weeks of her being ahead of the other puppies, as well as teacher’s pet and the biggest ham for treats, we decided dog park and regular walks would be better. I did win the battle of keeping her in her crate at night, after, of course, she crawled into our bed at 4:30 am and wanted to play.
The second thing you need to know is that last week our vet removed a tumor from her chest, and the surgery was a little complicated because the tumor was in her muscles. Cancer free, they gave her scrubs.
In the spirit of briefness, let me just say that we are using our “Good Will shirts” to keep her stitches (well, now just a gaping hole where the stitches were) from catching on anything, and simultaneously keeping our carpet clean. We are probably rotating about six towels (we have them on her bed and her favorite sleeping places), and three soft t-shirts a day. Until now, it hasn’t been a problem. Up until now, everyone has been relatively happy.
This morning, while I was teaching, my husband sent me this text. To you, this is a regular shirt. To me, it’s one of my favorite lounging t-shirts, which was most definitely NOT in the Good Will pile. Ever. I love my dog. I love my husband. But I draw the line with my CLOTHES!!!
So, when I finally arrived home and asked him why he used my shirt, Dave said, “Because your clothes are so much softer.” Duh. His second excuse was, “I haven’t seen you wear it in a while, so I figured you weren’t using it any more.”
And this is why I want to kill him twice. After I pull out all my hair.
And just so everyone is clear, Cheyenne doesn’t feel the least bit guilty, and she is not happy about losing “her” new soft shirt.
So, two more things you need to know (sorry).
1. Because of all the sunblock (which is usually sweat-proof and water-proof, and applied multiple times) on my clothes, we do our own laundry.
2. Also, because of all the sunblock, the clothes I wear in the summer are usually ruined by September. So, I’m sure you’ll understand, I do not wear clothes I like, unless I go somewhere cold (like the movies).
My husband and I have been married for eight years, and he has known me for nine. Ten years must be the magic number for him to remember this tidbit of information about me.
The truth is, I want him to remember this NOW. I want him to remember this when he got up this morning and decided, “Hey, I’ll just use one of Liz’s shirts. They are so much softer than mine, and she isn’t wearing many of them, anyway.” Grrrrr! It’s a good thing they are both cute.
Since I am promised a new piece of clothing to add to my wardrobe (and my shirt has been washed multiple times), I will refrain from murder. After all, I do love the man. I would miss him. And the last time I checked, murder is still illegal.
So, my darling Cupcake, when have you ever been angry at a loved one for something silly? What was the resolution?