Hello, my darling readers and friends. Do you have time to help a Cupcake out? I kind of need it.
First of all, let me say, Happy Chinese New Year! Yeah! The year of the Fire Monkey! I should be celebrating, since this means new beginnings, letting go of old things that no longer serve me, and wonderful life opportunities.
So, why am I so depressed? I mean, as if I am in mourning.
I have been struggling with a fibular stress fracture, which killed my “real” workouts for more than two months. I finally walked one mile today without pain. This was a huge accomplishment, but my heart still felt heavy and sad. This is not self-pity or guilt over something. I just can’t shake the feeling that something is missing from me. I am forgetting something. I am mourning a loss of something that I do not know I have lost (or that has died within me).
When I did some internal work last week, I received the message that I am due to have a major mental shift. A friend of mine said the message she kept seeing for me was a phoenix in flames, which really sounds kind of cool and somewhat terrifying to me. I will not bore you with details, but now I am having an intense crisis of … something.
I have asked myself the “proper” questions when on such a quest. Dr. Wayne Dyer says the last thing on your mind is usually the reality you create. I have asked progressive questions so I could gain answers before I wake up in the mornings. I have asked for guidance. I have tried to go deeper into myself. Nothing. Nada. Zip. My mind and heart are just blurry non- information givers.
Most of the time, I’m good about relaxing and just waiting for answers to appear. However, I have been waiting for a while. This, of course, has prompted my perfectly mature and rational reaction of, “Why the heck am I so exhausted and without answers?” I can usually be patient, but let’s be honest here: When the phoenix renews itself, it goes up in flames, and then it emerges from the ashes. I would really like something like Tony Robbin’s walk of fire or something to prepare me for the path I do not see yet. I love what Michael Bernard Beckwith says about finding things to celebrate, and to just be in the moment. I am excited. Buuuuut…I would be lying if I did not admit that I wish I knew what I need to do! I cannot even imagine the changes I am in for. What will I do? How will I change? Do I still get to keep my cute shoe collection? Ashes are metaphorical, right?
Today, I did have two moments of celebration: I found a shiny nickel on my walk today, and I walked one mile without crutches, a boot, or a brace of any kind. Yay!
Most of the time, I am great at keeping up my emotions and battling through things. Today, I trust that my vulnerability will be met with the love that I usually show for others. Click To Tweet
Please help! A Cupcake in need…
So, my darlings, I need some help. I know most of you are so much better than I am at giving advice on this level, so fire away, Cupcakes! Tell me what you do when you go into such moments of confusion or unknown sorrow, so I can try them out. Think of the awesome karmic boomerang we’re putting out right now; I am giving you the opportunity to show your strengths and help a sister in need, and you are absolutely rocking the love!
Thank you in advance, Cupcake! As always, stay frosted!